Batman calls bull
by e7l13
Summary: Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark meet at a party. Bruce is less than impressed. please read and review.


**hello there. this is what i think could happen if tony and bruce met. i know it might seem like i'm bashing Ironman but i promise i'm not, i just wanted to try and show how different Batman and Ironman are. please** review if you think i should write more **or not. either one.**

**don't own batman or ironman**

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Bruce Wayne is not amused. He hasn't slept in 36 hours, he has a fresh bullet wound in his shoulder and he is currently stood among shallow, rich morons listening to Tony Stark talk about how heroic he is. Of course Bruce doesn't show how pissed he is. He bears the pain and irritation with the empty smile a billionaire playboy is supposed to wear. Inwardly he curses every known and unknown deity in existence or nonexistence because they obviously hate him.

"so these aliens are flying at me, shooting lasers straight at my chest…" the crowd is captivated "this aliens got green skin, teeth as long as your arm and claws that I saw cut through brick…" he pauses for dramatic effect. Bruce doesn't comment on the story even though he'd seen the footage of the fight many times and the aliens had more resemblance to a fish with legs than a monster.

"anyways this alien shoots my armour and flies down to grab me round the neck..."

That's also a lie. The fish leg monster had done a sort of belly flop out of the sky and landed on top of the 'superhero'.

"so it's got it's claws around me trying to break my neck…"

"did it?" interrupts a blonde model anxiously. Bruce has to physically stop himself from face palming.

Even Tony looks phased for a second but he quickly recovers "er, no, I managed to wrestle this thing off of me even though it had broken a lot of my weapons with its tail.." its fish tail that had repeatedly slapped him round the face.. "I threw it out of the way, then sent a missile right into its head." The crowd that's gathered around make sounds of admiration, offer congratulations and act generally impressed. Apparently none of them had hacked the satellites above the fight and witnessed The Hulk save Starks tin can body before he was crushed beyond repair under the vast weight of an alien walking whale. Unfortunately Bruce had and his lack of interest in the story must have shown briefly on his face.

"you got a problem with that Wayne?"

_Yes_ "None at all, I'm just amazed. To think we have a real life superhero in our midst" he throws in a charming smile for good measure. Tony looks less than convinced.

"never considered fighting for a cause Wayne?" a couple of bystanders snort in amusement

"can't say I have Stark. I suppose not all of us are capable of living up to your heroic standards…" If he doesn't hear the sarcasm that laces that statement, he's either an idiot or his ego is the size of Gotham.

"I suppose not, it's a difficult life" _wow… _"but it's worth it to get to see all the people I've helped" at this statement he makes a not so subtle lean towards the model on his arm "still, it must be nice to not have to constantly think about saving the world…" Bruce has counted 34 ways that he could knock Tony out. Some of them are a little extravagant and it's not likely he'd do them with witnesses but the thought is comforting all the same.

"to not have to worry about anything but yourself…" _not allowed to cause bodily harm, not allowed to cause bodily harm, not allowed to cause bodily harm…. "_because honestly, being a genius superhero isn't as great as it sounds…" _how harmful is a broken nose?_

"Seriously Wayne, you're lucky."

"I'll bear that in mind" Bruce says through gritted teeth, fighting to retain the image of unthreatening obliviousness.

Tony is currently looking far too interested in his answers. If he was a less controlled person he'd probably be unnerved but as it happens Bruce Wayne is a damn good actor.

"I should be heading off; I've a date with some trapeze artists, a pole and a whole lot of alcohol. It's been fun, we should meet up again some time." everybody in the surrounding area knows how unlikely that is. Bruce breathes a sigh of relief as Stark walks towards the doors, along with half a dozen models and a very irritated redhead assistant.

Bruce Wayne is certain that he'll be happy if he never meets Tony stark again.


End file.
